I’d Be Surprised and Comforted By How Much I’ve Grown and Changed

Dominican Volunteer Sydney Boyer serves as a teacher at the Opening Word, a support center for immigrant women in Amityville New York. In this post, she shares a letter to her senior-year self.

Dear Me,

     Recently I was asked to give advice to the graduating seniors of Xavier University through a 30 second video. It was hard for me to limit myself to a mere 30 seconds when I felt that I could write an entire book on post-graduate transition. I don’t think any amount of advice can totally prepare you for the changes that come once you graduate. However, I think if senior year me could see post-graduate me now, I’d be surprised and comforted by how much I’ve grown and changed. If I were to talk to myself last year, I think these are some of the things she would need to here. These are only some of the lessons I have learned, and I will continue to gain more as the year progresses.

1.    Believe in yourself

     For the last four years, Xavier University built me in up in so much love from the community around me. Through retreats, like Approach, I learned about how much God loves me through the people he’s put into my life. I don’t think that I could have made it through some of the hard moments without this love to fall back on. However, amidst all the retreats and service trips, I forgot how to rely just on myself.

     This year of service has been challenging and at times lonely. Upon arriving in New York, I was blinded by the excitement of change. Once the excitement wore off, I was lost and felt alone because no one from my Xavier community was right next to me. These moments gave me time to develop a relationship with myself rather than just the people around me. They gave me time to learn to trust my own opinions and my own instincts. These moments are still helping me learn to love myself.

2.    Love the little moments

     This year, it has been harder to find God through traditional prayer and scripture readings. Every morning I wake up at 7:00 AM to be at prayer by 7:15 AM. During this time we traditionally read from the Dominican Praise book and the bible. While some may find God through these daily routines, I have found them more monotonous than fruitful. After leaving Xavier, it has been hard to find a faith community and where I see God in my every day. It wasn’t until I started to slow down that I truly found God in the small moments.

     Throughout the year I have learned that God can present himself to us in small ways everyday if we learn to take time to stop and observe the world around us. What may seem like a challenging moment can quite easily turn into a God moment. For me these moments may look beautiful and radiant while others may just be happy coincidences. A few weeks ago I flew to San Francisco with my fellow volunteer for a mid-year retreat. We didn’t realize how long the flight was and that we wouldn’t be offered any food on the flight. Needless to say, we were very hungry. However, my thoughts of hunger were calmed by the sunset. The sun hadn’t looked so beautiful since my time in New York. As we started flying, I had the privilege of watching that sunset for 3 hours. For me, God was so clearly presenting himself in that moment. It’s moments like these that I have learned to love and found prayer and meditation in.

3.    Explore the full story

     For those of you who don’t know, I come from a very small town in Ohio. In this small town diversity is a rare thing to find. Therefore, much of my information came from what I saw on television and from the people around me. This barrier was broken once I went to college, because I was discussing issues based around race, privilege and status.

     This year I have continued to explore what these issues mean and what I can do with my privilege to positively affect change. I have learned the importance of exploring both sides of the story, because truth only comes when you listen to all the facts and opinions. Not only that, but I have learned the privilege I have as an American citizen to seek out truth, to advocate to my representative for change and to vote for what I believe will be the best for everyone in our country. We have a long way to go, but progress starts with exploring the full story.

4.    Embrace your roots

     Throughout high school all I thought about was leaving small town Ohio. I wanted to get away and start new in a big city with big ideas and opportunities. When I moved away to Cincinnati I was relieved to be away from my small town, and I was able to reinvent myself. As I was faced with moving again, I was excited at the chance to live in one of the biggest cities in the world and embrace being a New Yorker.

     From this experience, I have realized that I am not a very good New Yorker, let alone a very good East Coaster. Ohio is in my blood, and there is nothing I can do to change that. Instead of running from where I come from, I learned that it’s important to embrace your roots. Ultimately they are the basis of who you are. Use these roots to define your future, and ultimately you’ll find more pride telling people about the journey you made to get to where you are.

5.    Change is ok

     For a long time, I wanted to be a part of the United Nations. I wanted to sit amongst some of the most powerful people in the world and have the chance to influence their ideas. In college, I realized that I may not want to do this anymore, but I was scared of changed. I was scared to let go of the dream of 12 year old me.

     This year has really taught me though that change is alright. It’s ok to change your dreams, because something bigger may be waiting for you at the end. No matter what, there will always be someone to encourage you in this transition and to tell you that it will all be ok in the end. Thankfully I have found that person in my fellow volunteer, Sean, in my family, and still in my Xavier friends. I am confident in my new decision to become a social worker and the future that lies ahead.